New Year, Old Me

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about writing a post on 2019 reflections and 2020 resolutions, but every time I considered it, my brain would shrug.

Me to me: What are your thoughts on 2019?

Also me: Iunno.

Me again: What are your thoughts on 2020?

Still me: It’s not a real date.

And that’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

In 2017, I graduated college. In 2018, I became a mom. In 2019, I kept that kid alive. And while that is just as big, if not a bigger, accomplishment, it somehow feels like less. If you ask me what I’ve been doing lately, I’ll just gesture at the child. Some days, keeping Finian alive is all I manage; some days, I do that but also get to shower.

I had about 10 goals for 2019, and the top of the list was a Happy and Healthy Finian. I achieved that. Finian is strong, healthy, smart, loved, and happy. They’re just starting to piece sounds together to make words, they like to eat apples and carrots best, and they think Sesame Street is the height of television masterpieces. I might not have gotten as much done as I wanted to get done in 2019, but I excelled at caring for Finian.

I wanted to create more, and I feel like I have achieved that. I have this blog, and I have my astrology blog too. I have a bullet journal that I spend time pouring creativity into. I still don’t work on any of my numerous novels as often as I would like, but maybe that’s okay too.

Other than those two goals, I didn’t really make much, or any, progress on the other 8 goals. I still don’t drive, I still don’t have an income, and I still live with my parents. I didn’t achieve optimal health, and I probably will never because I cannot convince myself that working out is a good idea. There’s always this year, I guess.

Speaking of this year, do I have goals or resolutions this year? I’m not sure. I feel like I could easily move my goals from last year to this year, and not even change them at all.

My top priority is still going to be Finian. I will sacrifice all other goals to make sure that they are well. Maybe I still won’t shower as much as I would like, but as long as my kid is still healthy and happy, I will be succeeding.

I would like to just keep getting better and doing better. Maybe I won’t achieve optimal health in 2020, but maybe I can be healthier. Maybe I won’t finish writing a book, but I can probably get a couple chapters done at least. Maybe I still won’t be in a financial position to move out of my parents' home, but I bet I can make more money this year than last (it’s a low, low bar).

Finally driving would be really good though. 2020 : the Year Abby Finally Gets her Driver’s License. We’ll see.

I wish I had some big reflective thoughts on 2019 and some clear goals for 2020, but I just don’t. 2019 happened, and now 2020 is happening.

I guess. I don’t know. It still doesn’t sound like a real year. 2020 isn’t real, it’s fake news. It’s like futuristic propaganda. It’s the date of the Hunger Games or Jetsons. It’s not real life.

I think instead of goals or resolutions, I’ll just have a theme this year, and I’ll try to keep my mindset and actions aligned with that singular theme. I am going to pick Progress for my theme. That’s what I want my 2020 to look like. Nothing earth shaking, no big plans. Just Progress.

Finian is my priority; I’ll squeeze the rest of it in during naptime.